


Land of the Lost

by HeavenlyMess



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullets Era Gerard Way, First Kiss, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nerd Frank Iero, Nerd Gerard Way, Pencey Prep Era Frank Iero, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:02:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28568940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyMess/pseuds/HeavenlyMess
Summary: College AUGerard is an art major going through a hard momentFrank is the smart kid doing a double major who has trouble with people
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, frerard - Relationship
Comments: 63
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

Mondays suck, Gerard thinks when he opens his eyes at six in the morning.

He has three classes, and then has to work at the cafe. If he’s lucky, he’ll have time to go to the library and finish his assignments.

By the time he gets out of his Digital Illustration class, it’s pouring outside, and he barely makes it to the cafeteria, his clothes all wet. He finds the table by the far corner, and takes out an apple form his bag, as well as his sketchbook, and tries to finish what he was working on the night before. He only as an hour before getting to his next class, but he’s just not in the mood. He might skip it all together.

He doesn’t know what’s the fucking point of it all.

He’s failing half his classes. His friend from his Dungeons & Dragons group barely talk to him anymore. He hasn’t seen his brother or his parents in a while and he’s sure they don’t miss him since they haven’t called.

And he’s just not inspired anymore.

He feels like a big joke. Not sure if this is what he likes anymore. But he doesn’t know what he likes then. He just hasn’t given up because then, he’ll have nothing.

He feels empty.

He can’t draw or paint anymore.

How is he supposed to be an art major is he _can’t_ make art?

Then what is the point of continuing?

Maybe he just quit everything. School, work –

Life.

He doesn’t even know why he’s just feeling like shit out of nowhere. But it’s been a couple days since he started to feel like this.

And now he’s standing in middle of the social studies quad, under the rain, not sure how he ended up there. ‘Dude!’ someone calls him. ‘What are you doing here?’ He feels someone’s hands drag him back to the cafeteria, and he’s shivering, and he’s aware of everything around him now. ‘I’m fine,’ he says, and just walks back to his dorm in the middle of a storm.

He doesn’t even turn on the lights, and just changes into his sweatpants and a hoodie before getting in bed.

 _One, two, three –_ he counts to twenty, taking deep breaths just like his therapist suggested. But the anxiety won’t leave. It’s going to be one of those days.

He doesn’t even know when he fell asleep, but the lights go on and Ray is walking in the room. ‘Dude! You’re supposed to be at the café in ten minutes!’ he says and throws a pillow at him. ‘I already risked my ass to get you that job. Don’t fucking waste it!’

‘Mmmhm,’ Gerard mumbles, but doesn’t get up. ‘I think I’m sick.’

‘Bullshit.’

‘I had to walk in the rain –’

‘I don’t care. You don’t get sick that fast. Move your ass and get to work.’

He knows Ray won’t shut up until he does. That’s what he doesn’t like about working with his roommate. Maybe he can just fake a cough at work and they’ll send him home.

He puts on his jeans and the black shirt he uses as uniform, and follows Ray outside. The café is on the other side of campus, next to the library, so it takes them a while to cross the main quad, and they’re ten minutes late.

‘What the hell, guys?’ their boss, Adam, says. ‘We’re short staffed!’

‘Sorry,’ Ray apologizes for the both of them. ‘Something came up.’

Adam is too frustrated to ask, so he keeps making sandwiches while the other two put on their aprons and get in their positions. Ray is on barista slash cashier duty, and Gerard makes the sandwiches and snacks, while Adam goes to the back to do the important stuff. 

And for a while, everything seems okay. Gerard focuses on his job, trying to keep everything else out of his mind. He even gives a free cookie to one or two customers because they’re nice to him.

Fortunately, three hours later, they’re closing, and since Adam is the master at that, it only takes them twenty minutes to close.

He’s tired and wants to go to bed, but he has a project to submit the next morning, and as much as he hates everything now, he can’t ruin his classmates’ grades, so he has to finish his panels so the next person does the colors.

So he goes to the library to work. It’s peaceful and Ray won’t give him shit for having his light on. It’s almost ten p.m. so it’s almost empty, except for a couple students in the second floor, clearly having the same idea than Gerard. He sits at one end of a big table, and takes out his art supplies.

It’s going to be a long night.

***

Ethics sucks, Frank thinks biting his pen.

He already finished his paper the night before, but the professor keeps going on and on about the same thing. He just can’t listen to the same lecture all over again just because some of his classmates are stupid and they need more time to understand the basics of ethics.

So he takes out his notes for his English composition class out, and starts working on his essay instead. He’s supposed to compare a classic of literature with a novel released recently. So he goes for Dracula and a It. He’s read both many times, so he has no problem.

‘Hey,’ someone calls him from behind. When he turns around, he sees this blonde girl smiling at him, and he knows she wants something. Women – or anyone, for that matter – don’t just talk to him to be nice. Which is good because he’s not good at socializing either. And ever since first grade, his classmates only wanted one thing from him. ‘Can you write this essay for me, please?’ the girl says in an attempt to flirt. If she only knew that she’s not his type and he’s not remotely interested in even talking to her.

‘No,’ he says in a shaky voice, fixing his glasses and goes back to his own essay.

He can hear the girl talking to her friend, but he doesn’t care.

He’s doesn’t help people cheat.

And he also doesn’t want to talk to them.

Not to be mean, they just scare him.

He’s spent all his life with a book in his hands, reading, learning, that he doesn’t really know how to interact with other humans.

His mom thought for the longest time that he might have something more serious, and he’s still not sure. That’s why he took psychology as one of his majors, but it only made him more scared of people.

And sometimes he craves that. A friend. Someone to talk to. Someone with the same interests. But every time he tries, they just take advantage of him or just forget about him.

So he sticks to books.

He’s halfway done with his essay when the lecture ends and he has to walk to his Intro to Psychology class, under the rain, and hope he’s not late. It’s one of his favorite classes so far and the one where he always learns something new and interesting.

He stops at the cafeteria for some soup and crackers and studies for his Algebra test. He loves math, but still not sure why it’s required on his first year if he’s a psychology and English literature major.

He knows he’s lucky to have a full scholarship – even though he worked hard for it –, and not having to work to pay for either tuition or living. Especially with all his classes and his assignments. And he still has the money his dad sends him for food and other stuff he might need.

So after a quick nap, he goes to the library to do some research on his psychology paper.

It’s always empty this late. That’s why he likes it. Just people who actually enjoy being in a library are there. He sees the girl who always sits by the corner reading young adult novels. And the couple just a few tables away who help each other with their homework.

And for the past couple days, there’s a guy sitting at the other end of the table, hiding himself inside his hoodie, and drawing something.

Frank sits with a huge encyclopedia and a notebook in front of him, taking a look at the guy, and then goes back to what he was doing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Self harm

Gerard makes it to the library after work, like he has been doing all week. He doesn’t know what it is. The quiet, everyone minding their own business working on something late at night. It almost feels like a secret club he somehow was let into. Except no one talks to each other.

He walks to his usual table, and notices the guy with glasses who’s always there, reading something, usually an encyclopedia. He seems to live in his own little world, unaware of everything around him. And Gerard can’t help feeling a little jealous.

He takes out his sketchbook to work on his new project. He feels like he’s moving on autopilot, not sure what he’s doing, but that’s usually what he does when he’s not in depressed. He just _exists._

He lays out his sketchbook in front of him, not sure what to draw next. The assignment for next week is to tell a story in just one panel. But his mind is blank.

He looks around, trying to find a story to tell. He looks out the window but just sees an empty parking lot. Half the students are home for the weekend and the rest are somewhere getting drunk.

Yet the nerd with the glasses and Gerard are in the library at midnight, just them.

Neither of them is obviously the kind to party, and it makes sense they’re there.

Gerard looks at him just one more time, and sees he’s fallen asleep on top of his notes.

He’s probably one of those students with at least two majors and taking all the classes, and maybe has a job, so he must be exhausted.

Without any more hesitation, he starts sketching quick lines. Books everywhere, and in the middle of an empty library, a boy falls asleep while writing an essay.

Gerard is surprised at his final product. He’ll add the color the next day, but he likes it, and it’s been forever since the last thing he liked.

By then, the boy is up, and putting away the books he used, and makes his way to the door. That’s Gerard’s cue to also get out of there.

***

The drive back home is barely twenty minutes long, but Frank is having trouble to stay awake. He stops for coffee on his way there, knowing his mom will give him shit for it, but he needs it.

It’s almost noon, and his mom is probably at work, so he has the house for himself. And his dog. The only reason he still goes home every weekend. ‘Ghoul!’ he calls, until a tiny brown Chihuahua comes to meet him. Frank carries him to the kitchen and starts looking for something to eat. ‘Who is the coolest guy, huh?’ The dog growls as if he knows what Frank is saying, and Frank scratches the back of his head. He then makes himself a peanut butter sandwich and turns on the TV, before taking Ghoul outside.

Ghoul is his best friend in the world, and the one who keeps him sane. His mom got him during his senior year to keep him company. And he’s grateful for him.

When his mom comes home, he finds him napping on the couch. ‘At what time you got here?’ she asks.

‘Noon.’

‘You’ve eaten something?’

‘A peanut butter sandwich.’

‘I’ll make something for you.’ Frank hates to ask, but he loves his mom’s food, so he gets excited. It’s his favorite thing about coming home. Real food and Ghoul.

During lunch, Linda tells him he shouldn’t be overworking himself, and he should rest more. ‘Mom, we’ve talked about this –’

‘At what time you went to best last night?’

‘One or two?’

‘What were you doing, Frankie? Were you at a party?’

‘Mom, seriously?’ He gives her a look, and she tries to hide her smile. ‘Why would I be at a party?’

‘I don’t know, someone can invite you.’

‘Why would they?’

Linda shrugs. ‘You need friends.’

‘Nah. I’m fine. They’ll just use me or make fun of me. I’m fine.’

‘Frankie.’

‘I’m serious, mom. I’m okay on my own. And I have you.’ He knows his mom just wants him to be happy, and he wants that too, but he knows no one wants to be friends with the fat nerdy kid, let alone anything else. He’s more than aware. And it hurts, but he’s made his peace with the idea.

So he sits with his mom and they watch sappy movies, and plays with the dog, and sleeps as much as possible, and even goes to mass with her in the morning. He has lunch with his dad, and then goes back to the campus just in time for bed.

On Monday, he has an ethics exam, and he’s obviously the first one to finish. His other lectures are just as boring, except for Psychology.

And when he gets to the library later, the guy in the hoodie is there.

Frank is okay with this level of socializing for now.

***

Gerard sits in the library, looking at the empty page in his sketchbook.

He knew it was a matter of time.

He was just ignoring the voices in his head telling him he should quit. Now he’s having an anxiety attack and nobody notices.

He looks up at the clock. Eleven fifteen at night.

He’s short of breath and he feels his heart going faster and faster, and his vision is blurry. He shakes his head, trying to ignore the feeling, but it won’t go away. So he gets up and runs to the door before it gets any worse. The last thing he needs is to have a breakdown in front of everyone.

He runs back to his room, holding in the tears, and barely makes it to his room. Ray is sleeping, so he locks himself down in the bathroom.

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

He takes deep breaths.

But it doesn’t work.

He knows it.

He’s sobbing in the floor, and his head won’t shut up. He knows there’s only one way to stop the pain. Why is he even trying to ignore it if there’s no point.

He cries until he can’t breathe anymore and he pukes from it.

Looking for the tin of Altoids where he hides his razor blades, he finds Ray’s sleeping pills in the cabinet. Maybe he’ll take one or two. Or the whole bottle.

By the tenth, he’s shaking, shivering. _I’m sorry,_ he whispers to himself as if he’s talking to his family. To Ray for stealing his medicine. _I’m sorry,_ he whispers looking down at the sink and looking at his blood.

Then it all fades out, and Gerard just hopes he gets some peace.


	3. Chapter 3

Frank just saw the other guy storm out of the library, not sure what happened. But it must have been important because he forgot to take his sketchbook. And now, he keeps it in his bag, hoping he can see him somewhere to give it back. But he hasn’t seen him.

The next day when Frank walks in the library, his seat is empty. As well as the next day. And the next. And Frank doesn’t know why, considering he doesn’t know him, but he’s worried about him.

He just hopes he’s okay.

***

Gerard wakes up, his head throbbing in pain and his throat dry as hell.

The blinding light above him makes it harder for him to open his eyes, but he can hear Mikey. ‘Gee!’ He sounds worried and exhausted, and Gerard has no idea why. ‘What the fuck did you do?’

‘Huh?’ he tries to say but even that seems too hard for him.

‘Gerard!’ his mom’s voice calls him. And he wants to follow it, but he’s still under water. ‘C’mon, baby. Come back to us.’

He struggles to get back to the shore, his body feeling heavy to carry. ‘Ma,’ he tries to say, and can hear her calling back.

He hears machines beeping and the voices are getting closer and louder.

The light gets brighter, and someone holds his hand. ‘Come back, bro.’

Mikey. He’s crying. He can’t let Mikey cry.

He holds the hand tighter, and open his eyes again.

His mom runs to hold him and kiss his entire face over and over, while Mikey cries by his side. ‘I’m fine, Mikes, I’m fine.’

It takes him a couple days, though. Between the constant nausea and confusion, the brain fog. He remembers Ray visiting a couple times, but he was too out of it to hear what he said. Mikey tries to explain that he was found unconscious in his dorm bathroom. ‘What did you do, Gee?’ he asks with tears rolling down his face.

Gerard tries to apologize but words aren’t enough, and he just reaches to hug his brother. He had promised once to take care of him for the rest of his life, to be there, and he almost left him alone. ‘I’m not going anywhere, Mikey.’

‘You better not,’ he whispers in his ear.

Now he can’t break his promise.

He’s diagnosed with clinic depression, not that it’s a surprise for him.

He has always known it. He was six the first time they took him with a therapist and she told him it wasn’t normal for a kid that age to be angry all the time and telling his parents he wanted to kill himself.

‘Is everything okay, honey?’ his mom asks, when the psychiatrist leaves.

‘Yeah, I just –’ He doesn’t really know how to lie to his parents. He’s never been good at it.

‘Is school too much? You can take a semester off, it’s totally okay.’

‘I’m okay, mom.’

‘You know you can talk to us, right?’ his dad interrupts. ‘Just don’t forget.’

‘But I’m okay. It’s just my brain. You know how it’s all fucked up.’

‘That’s why you need to take your meds.’

‘But I was doing fine.’

‘And see what happened,’ Mikey finishes. So Gerard agrees to get back on meds, and goes home with them the next day. He also has to get therapy as part of his treatment, though he’s not that excited.

He goes back to his childhood room in the basement, all his posters and action figures still up. Even his bed is made. ‘Welcome home,’ his mom says, as is if he’s supposed to be happy to be back. But he doesn’t even know if he’s happy to be alive.

He hasn’t really got time to think about any of it. And the pain meds they have him on caused a pretty much permanent brain fog. He looks around, and it feels like it’s somebody else’s room.

‘I’m a little tired, mom. Is it okay if I just take a nap?’

‘Of course, hun. You don’t even have to ask.’

But he ends up sleeping through the day. It could be the meds, he thinks. But he just doesn’t have energy to do anything, or get up from bed, and he’s not really sure if the antidepressants are working. He’s lost his appetite, and he’s simply not in a good mood.

Mikey tells him Ray called to check on him, and that he sounded worried. But he doesn’t know what to tell him. ‘Are you even going back to school?’ the younger brother asks.

‘I don’t know. I don’t see the point of being an artist if I can’t make art anymore.’

There’s silence for a second.

‘Is that why you –’

‘No. That’s stupid.’ But he can’t lie. ‘Look. I just don’t know what to do anymore, okay. I’ve always hated my life and myself, and it’s always been shitty for me. But I always had art. It’s always been the one thing I know I can do, even if it’s not good, I can just come up with something, and just do it.’ By now, he’s raising his voice with every word and yelling at Mikey as if he was the one who took it away from him. ‘Now I can’t even do that! And I’m going crazy, because I have nothing else.’

Mikey doesn’t say a word, he just steps closer and wraps him in a hug. ‘You have me.’

And Gerard just gives up, hugs him back, and sobs in his brother’s shoulder.

‘It’s okay. It’ll come back.’

***

It’s been two weeks since the guy from the library last showed up.

And Frank’s still carrying his sketchbook in his heavy backpack. He thought about looking for a friend to give it back, but he doesn’t know him or any of his friends, so he has no idea who he should give it to. And also he wants to see if he’s okay.

Not that he’d ever talk to him.

He doesn’t even know what he’d say. He’d probably ruin it, and it’s probably for the best that he doesn’t talk to him. Ever.

He should just look for his name on the students’ directory and leave the sketchbook outside his dorm. But again, he doesn’t know what the guy’s name is.

What if he dropped out?

That would be a shame.

It’d mean he’s never gonna see him again.

Why does he even care?! Frank is really losing it. That’s why he doesn’t have any friends. ‘Careful, four eyes,’ someone yells as he walks in the cafeteria and runs into someone, but Frank ignores it. He keeps going, hoping the line for the soup isn’t too long because he has a paper to write.

And then, he sees him.

Sitting by himself at the table at the very back, wearing a jacket with the hoodie up, as usual, staring down at his food. It’s him.

He recognizes the Star Wars hoodie under the jacket, and all the superhero pins on his messenger bag. And that look like he would rather be somewhere else.

He gets out of the line, and walks to the table, because this might be his only chance to see him and give him back his sketchbook. But as he gets closer, the hole in his stomach grows bigger and bigger and he’s not sure if the anxiety is worth it. _What is he supposed to say? I got your sketchbook, no I’m not a creep, I didn’t look inside. Hey, I miss you at the library. I want to make sure you’re okay._

Maybe it’s not a good idea. He stops just before getting there, though now it’s too late. He’s seen him. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ He wants to turn around and run. But he can’t move.

He’s paralyzed with fear, looking at the guy in the hoodie, who is obviously avoiding to looking at him after it got awkward.

‘Hey,’ he manages to say, getting his attention. Fuck, he has the longest eyelashes and his eyes are so green he can get lost in them. This was definitely not a good idea.

‘Hi,’ he says, and Frank starts mumbling.

‘I just – I have your sketchbook.’ He feels like he rehearsed the whole speech, because he kind of did, but he’s talking so fast he’s not if he can’t understand him. ‘You left it at the library that day you left –’ He takes it from his backpack, and hands it to him. ‘I promise I didn’t look inside.’ And he just hopes he doesn’t notice how Frank’s hands are shaking.

‘Thank you,’ he says, almost in a whisper, a tiny smile forming on his face. ‘I really appreciate it.’ And then, they go quiet again. Frank knows his time is up, and he can go now. There’s no point in staying any longer. But he can’t.

‘Is everything – okay?’ he stutters, pushing his glassed up the bridge of his nose, which is what he usually does when he’s nervous.

And he sees the guy’s face going red, looking worried. He doesn’t say anything, but Frank knows something’s not okay.

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. I just noticed you weren’t at the library for the past two weeks. And after you walked out that day, I got worried.’

‘You noticed?’

Frank doesn’t know what to say. Of course he noticed. He just nods, avoiding eye contact. He kinda missed him there, but he knows he shouldn’t say that.

‘I had a family emergency.’

Frank nods. Social interactions are definitely not his thing.

‘But I never thought anyone would notice.’

 _I did,_ Frank wants to say. Instead, he just shrugs.

‘Thank you for keeping my sketchbook.’

‘Of course.’ He waves awkwardly, and starts to walk away, when he calls him.

‘Hey! I’ll see you later at the library?’ Frank nods, smiling shyly. ‘And what’s your name?’

‘Frank.’

‘I’m Gerard.’

Frank waves at him, and leaves before Gerard can see him blushing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!  
> please let me know what you think, i would really appreciate it


	4. Chapter 4

‘You okay?’ Ray asked, for the thousandth time just that day.

Gerard was sitting on the edge of his bed, holding his sketchbook, though his mind was somewhere else. He wasn’t sure if it was the meds that kept him like that, or he was just dissociating more than usual. ‘Yeah, sure,’ he said, trying to believe it himself.

‘Are you sure? Isn’t it too soon?’

Gerard finally looked up at him, noticing he was worried. ‘I’m fine. I just need some normalcy. I was about to go crazier back at home.’

‘I get you. I’m just worried about you, man. Waking up to find your friend almost dying in the bathroom floor isn’t pretty.’

‘I’m sorry about that.’

‘No, don’t apologize.’ Ray sat across from him. ‘I just want you to be okay.’

‘I am okay.’

His roommate did his best attempt to smile, patting his shoulder. ‘Oh – didn’t you say you had lost your sketchbook?’

‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘That’s what I thought. Apparently, I left it at the library and this guy returned it the other day.’

‘That was nice of him.’

‘Yeah.’ Gerard nodded, staring down at his sketchbook, and realizing what that weird feeling in his stomach was. But he chose not to acknowledge it. His mind was already a mess, and he didn’t want to get excited and then turning out he was just imagining things and getting disappointed.

He almost thought about not going to the library, but he had promised Frank he’d be there, and he didn’t want to disappoint him for some reason.

Frank.

Just thinking about seeing him again brought a smile to his face.

***

Sometimes Frank regretted doing two majors.

He knew there was nothing else for him to do. Like, he didn’t go to parties or socialize or play sports or anything. All he had was books and studying. Even if he had some free time, what would he use it for? So, instead he studied more.

But when he had two papers due the next morning, and he had to finish analyzing Shakespeare. It was only his second year in college and he was starting to hate the one thing he enjoyed more than anything. Reading. But it was too late, and he couldn’t fail his classes now or he’d lose his scholarship.

So he got his soup for dinner, and then walked to the library and started working.

He was so focused on an article he was reading that he didn’t notice when Gerard came in, and suddenly he was just there, sitting on his usual spot, also very focused on his own stuff. But at least he was back.

Just having him there, existing near him, was enough for Frank.

As much as he wanted to talk to him, he wouldn’t know what to say, or how to behave around him, and he’d probably end up embarrassing himself in front of him and ruining everything. So it was better to keep his distance.

An hour or two later, he noticed Gerard getting up, and for a second he thought he’d stop to say bye to him, but he just kept walking straight to the door, and then he was gone.

Yeah, it was for the best.

He shouldn’t get excited about something that would never happen.

He tried to finish his paper, but he couldn’t concentrate. There was only one thing in his mind, and _he_ didn’t let Frank focus on anything else, no matter how hard he tried, and he was starting to ache.

He cursed himself, and put everything away, before going back to his dorm, hoping nobody noticed.

It had been a while since the last time Frank jerked off. Probably back in high school after seeing his classmates change in the locker room. He promised himself not to do it. Even though he wasn’t precisely religious, he knew his catholic mom wouldn’t be okay with it. Not the gay part, but the masturbating part.

But he’d been thinking about Gerard all day. Since that morning, when he saw his eyes, and his cute smile. And knowing he didn’t have a chance because he was Frank Iero, the lamest kid in school, his mind started created scenarios where Gerard would take his hand and they’d get too close. And he could see his mouth getting close –

He hadn’t craved anyone’s touch this bad.

Ever.

And now he was coming in his own hand, sweating and panting. And it had felt so good.

Fuck.

Now if could only get over the boy with the pretty eyes.

***

Gerard had been back for barely a week, and he didn’t know if it was because of what happened, or taking a little break from everything, but he felt inspired again.

Yeah, he was drawing characters that represented death, and had created a whole world around this image he had in his head about what happened when someone died. But he was creating again, which was the point.

It could also be because of Frank.

Seeing him, even if it was from afar, always made his day and the highlight of his existence, for some reason. He waited all day to go to the library just to see him. He was always so focused on whatever he was doing, that Gerard didn’t want to bother him. Plus, Frank would never be interested in someone like him. He needed someone not so fucked up.

So he chose to keep his distance.

He was still trying to get his shit together, and sometimes it felt like it was impossible. The more he tried to pretend to be okay so his parents or Ray wouldn’t worry, the more he felt like losing it. And the thing was, he didn’t even know exactly how he felt or what was going on in his head. It was like living in a complete fog, and he didn’t know where to go sometimes, or he’d forget things.

Maybe Ray was right and he needed to take it slow.

He grabbed his things, and left the library. His anxiety was getting really bad, and he needed a cigarette. He barely made it outside when he was taking them out, and put one in his mouth as he sat on the steps. _One, two, three…_ he started counting in his head, the technique his high school therapist had told him once, hoping it’d work. He made it to two hundred, and nothing changed. It only got worse.

Maybe he needed a break from everything. If only he knew how or where to go. Instead, he was having his fourth cigarette, and trying not to cry.

‘Hey,’ he heard someone calling, and he almost jumped off the floor. It was Frank.

He had almost forgotten it was almost midnight and he was outside the library. He turned to Frank and waved at him, hoping he’d get the message and leave him alone.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked, standing closer now. Gerard still had no idea why Frank cared so much, and he wanted to tell him to go away, but he couldn’t.

All he could do was shake his head and hide it with his arms, and could feel him sitting next to him, and breathing kinda close.

‘Can I ask you something?’ Frank asked out of nowhere. Gerard noticed he spoke in a low, soothing tone, and had a bit of a lisp, but only if you really paid attention, which Gerard did.

He looked up, but didn’t reply.

‘Is this why you weren’t here all this time?’

‘What do you mean?’ Of course, Gerard knew what he meant. He just wanted to know why he thought that.

‘You’re having a panic attack, right?’ Gerard put the cigarette back in his mouth and nodded, not sure how to answer. ‘I have them too.’

‘I’m sorry.’

Frank just nodded, and neither of them said a word for a minute or two, but Frank didn’t move.

Then, Gerard said, ‘Can I ask you something?’ It was only fair, and for some weird reason he felt like he could just talk to him. Frank nodded, so he went ahead. ‘Why do you care so much?’ Frank’s face went red, and before he could ruin it more, Gerard continued. ‘No, I mean – why did you return my sketchbook, or why help me? We’re practically strangers.’

Frank sat there, thinking his words carefully, and Gerard just hopes he didn’t hurt him. ‘I don’t know.’ Gerard noticed he was avoiding looking at him, which was sad because he was getting used to it.

‘Thank you,’ he said, trying not to cry. He wasn’t ready to admit he needed someone to talk, even if it was obvious. ‘It’s just a lot sometimes, you know?’ Frank nodded. They stood there in complete silence, and somehow Gerard started to feel better. ‘I’m thinking about dropping out.’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t know. I just don’t feel inspired sometimes. And they put me on meds that keep me numb all day, and all my creativity is gone.’ He didn’t know why he was telling him that, but he just felt like it.

‘I’m sorry.’ Gerard knew he meant it, and it warmed his heart. ‘If it makes you feel better, I don’t think I can do it either. I don’t know why I took two majors.’

‘It doesn’t make it better, I feel bad for you. You really need a break.’

‘I do,’ he said, and giggled, and god, that was the cutest giggle in the whole world.

‘You should just skip school one day and go hang out with your friends and do nothing.’

‘Well – I don’t want to lose my scholarship. And also, I don’t have any friends, so –’

‘You have one, now.’

Frank smiled at him, blushing.

How was he supposed to keep his distance now?

‘Maybe we should go,’ Frank said, bringing Gerard back to reality. ‘It’s almost two in the morning, and I have a test tomorrow.’

‘You go ahead.’

‘No, I don’t want to leave you alone. C’mon.’

He followed Frank up until they got to his building. ‘My dorm is over there,’ he said, pointing to the building adjacent. And then, he just went ahead and hugged Frank, just because he felt like it. He noticed his reaction, how he was almost shocked and anxious, but then he hugged him back. ‘Thanks for checking on me.’

‘Of course,’ Frank replied, and Gerard walked away before he’d embarrass himself more and kiss him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! thank you for reading!   
> as usual, you know feedback is more than appreciated and it makes your local fic writer's day :)


	5. Chapter 5

Frank has already lost sense of time, and doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting in the middle of an empty library when someone comes and sits on the chair across from him.

He looks up from his book, and sees Gerard there.

And he can’t control it, just seeing him makes him smile.

‘Hi,’ Gerard says with his shy smile. Frank tries to say something but nothing comes up. ‘Is it okay if I sit here?’

‘Yeah – uh – of course.’ He knows he’s blushing, but he doesn’t know how to control that, so he covers his face, pretending he’s tired, and goes back to his research. But it’s hard when he knows Gerard is looking.

Not that Frank isn’t looking too. Because he is.

He keeps looking up, seeing him focused on whatever he’s drawing, his tongue sticking out, and the thoughts going on in his head are running wild, so he has to go back to his book before it gets worse.

A couple hours later, he has barely written a couple paragraphs because he spent the entire time looking at Gerard. ‘Let’s go,’ Gerard tells him. ‘It’s late.’

Frank looks up at him, not wanting to get excited that he cares about him staying up this late, or wanting to spend time with him, but there’s nothing he wants more than to spend all his time with Gerard so he puts his stuff away and follows him outside the building, and then to the dorms. And he hugs Frank again before leaving, but this time, Frank hugs back, feeling more comfortable, and not wanting to let go. ‘See you tomorrow?’

‘Yeah,’ Frank mumbles and walks in his building.

Then, the next day Frank can’t help it and keeps checking the door waiting for Gerard to come. He’s nervous as hell, and when Gerard finally walks in, the knot on Frank’s stomach gets bigger, and he feels like he’s melting.

The older student greets him as usual, and takes his seat. They go on with their homework, not talking, just sharing looks here and there, though they can barely focus, and at some point, a paper ball hits Frank in his head, and he looks up to find Gerard smiling at him.

Fuck.

Frank wonders if this how it feels to be attracted to someone. Like completely lost for someone. He can’t think anymore.

He keeps thinking about Gerard’s smile and his voice, and how he talks with his mouth a little crooked, and he can’t pay attention to his lectures anymore. Instead of listening to his Biology class, he makes up scenarios in his head where he and Gerard are holding hands and going on dates. And he hates himself for it because he knows he’s hopeless and most likely Gerard doesn’t see him that way and he just needs a friend.

Which is fine by him. He had accepted a long time ago that he’d be alone forever because no one likes the nerdy kid with glasses.

Yet, he keeps writing poetry in loose pages, dreaming about holding Gerard’s hand.

And every day that week, they meet in the library, and Gerard makes little drawings for him, and Frank adds speech bubbles and makes up full conversations between the characters. And every night, Gerard walks him to his dorm, and hugs him goodbye.

‘See you Monday?’ Frank asks.

‘You won’t be here tomorrow?’ Frank isn’t sure if Gerard looks sad that he won’t see him over the weekend.

He shakes his head. ‘I go home every weekend. To see my dog. And my mom, I guess. Do my laundry and eat real food.’

‘I get you. You live in Jersey?’

Frank nods. ‘Belleville.’

‘Are you kidding me? Me too!’ Gerard says with a smile, all excited. The younger man can’t help blush. ‘Have fun at home, then. I’ll miss you.’

‘I’ll miss you too,’ Frank says, and puts his arms around Gerard, initiating the hug, and holding him tight, wishing he had the guts to tell him how he feels. But instead, he runs inside to cry in bed because he knows how it’s going to end.

‘Frankie, you should eat something,’ his mom says when he makes it home and walks straight to his room.

‘I’m okay, I’ll just take a nap.’

‘Honey, it’s noon. You just got here, which means you probably just woke up twenty minutes ago.’ She knows him well, because that was exactly what he did.

‘I’m not hungry.’

‘Now, that’s strange.’

‘Mom, please.’ Linda just gives him her mom stare and lets him go.

And he does fall asleep eventually, after crying for a while thinking about Gerard and the fact that he’ll never like him back. And when he wakes up, he doesn’t have the energy to get up from bed, but at least Ghoul lies next to him and tries to cheer him up.

‘Dinner is ready, honey,’ his mom says, and when he turns around, she’s standing against the doorframe, wiping her hands on her apron. ‘Everything okay?’

‘Yes, mom. I’m just tired of staying up studying.’

‘I know you, and I know you’re lying.’

Frank doesn’t say anything, and just lets her sit next to him, because there’s nothing he can do. She checks his forehead just in case he’s sick, but he seems fine. ‘I made your favorite lasagna,’ she says but still no response. ‘Is it about school?’ She knows he always gets anxious when he doesn’t do as well, which almost never happens.

‘No.’ He’s avoiding looking at her, nervous. He’s never had this talk with her or his dad. None of it. And he knows they probably think that him being nineteen and never having had a relationship is just because he’s too shy, which is true, and he preferred to leave it that way instead of explaining. But he had never liked someone this much to the point his entire body feels like play dough and his brain doesn’t work anymore. ‘Ma –’ he says, after a long silence, playing with his thumb. ‘How do you know when you like someone?’

‘Oh! So it’s that –’ she replies, trying hard not to smile.

‘C’mon!’

‘I don’t know. You just know. You can’t stop thinking about them, and you’d do anything to spend time with them, and even make a fool of yourself when they’re around.’

‘And how do you know if a guy likes you?’

He looks up, and notices his mom’s reaction. ‘A guy?’

He nods, and she’s speechless, but she doesn’t do a big deal about it, and just pulls him for a hug, which he appreciates, because he really needs it, and not because he’s finally coming out, but because he’s sad. ‘Can we please not make a big deal out of this?’ he asks, his head on her shoulder, and a second later they pull away. ‘That’s not why I’m not feeling well. I know since I was like thirteen, and I knew it was normal. I never really questioned it.’

‘You’re so smart, you know?’

‘Sometimes I wish I wasn’t. I’d probably have better luck with friends.’

‘Don’t say that!’

‘Mom, you don’t get it. People don’t like smart guys. They like hot guys, jocks. I’m a nerd with glasses and a lisp who can’t talk to people. It doesn’t matter if I’m gay or straight, no one likes me.’

And then he’s crying in his pillow again.

‘Honey! Let’s go watch a movie and have dinner.’

‘I don’t want to watch a sappy movie where they end up together!’

‘Let’s go watch Dracula then.’

‘Fine.’

On Sunday, he tries to distract himself from everything, so he takes Ghoul to the park, and comes home to finish his Ethics essay. At least his mom doesn’t ask him to go with her to church and he wonders if it’s because of the gay thing, but doesn’t ask. At least he has leftover lasagna.

Once he’s done, he sits with Ghoul and naps all afternoon, trying not to think about Gerard. He leaves for school until the next morning to avoid the urge to go to the library and wait for Gerard.

***

Gerard walks out of his class, and all he can think is food. He hasn’t eaten in a couple days, after a depressive episode. Frank had been distracting him from everything, but over the weekend he just let himself go down the usual path, and had a couple drinks.

He’s still not sure if he should drop out since he knows art is not going to make him any money, and he’s just wasting time because he doesn’t have inspiration anymore and he’s just working on autopilot. His mind is just going over the same bullshit, when he notices a familiar face in the lawn outside the east auditorium. Frank.

He’s sitting by himself, leaning on a tree.

And Gerard has to go say hi.

As he’s approaching, Frank looks up, surprised and holding tight to his bowl of soup. ‘Why are you by yourself?’ Gerard asks.

‘Haven’t I told you that I don’t have friends?’

‘But why are you here and not in the cafeteria?’

Frank hesitates. ‘I – I don’t like people much.’

‘I get it.’ There’s an awkward silence. ‘Can I sit?’

He hasn’t finished asking and Frank is nodding, so Gerard takes a seat on the grass, right next to him. ‘You really like soup, huh?’

Frank smiles. ‘It’s the only thing here that doesn’t make my stomach upset.’

Gerard can’t help noticing how weird it is to sit with him during the day, outside of the library. It’s almost as if they’re just starting to know each other since they usually can’t talk. ‘How was your weekend?’ he asks, not really sure how to start a conversation. He’s not the best at having friends either.

‘Meh,’ the spectacled guy says. ‘Just slept through it and played with my dog.’

‘You have a dog?’

‘Yeah. A chihuahua named Ghoul.’

‘Aww.’ They kept talking about pets and growing up. Gerard loves when he giggled and how he sometimes he seems so confident around him, and just wants to protect him at all costs.

He lends him one of the comic books he has in his bag, a rare edition of Doom Patrol, and tells him to read it when he needs a break from encyclopedias and big books. Frank mentions he’s think on taking less classes next semester. ‘I don’t know if I can do it anymore,’ he says.

‘You must be really smart to do a double major.’

‘Then, why do I feel stupid?’

‘You’re not stupid.’

And Gerard wants to kiss him so bad in that moment, but he knows he’ll ruin everything. But he doesn’t know how to make him feel better, and now he’s the one who feels stupid for liking a guy who’s too pure for him, and doesn’t even like him back.

***

That night, when Frank arrives at the library, he sees Gerard is outside the building, smoking. He hates the smell, and he’s already coughing, but still, walks up to him to say hi. ‘Hey, why aren’t you –’

‘I don’t feel like it,’ Gerard answers.

‘What happened?’ Frank is genuinely confused and wonders if it has to do with him.

‘Nothing, I was just waiting for you to see if maybe we could – I don’t know. Talk?’

‘You wanna talk?’ Frank mumbles.

‘I don’t know. I just – I’m not feeling well, and I might need a friend, okay? We can’t talk in the library, so –’

And before he can reply, Gerard drags him by the arm, and they’re going inside his building and through a door, giggling the whole time, then up the stairs until they’re on the rooftop.

‘Wow!’ Frank says, admiring the view of the city. The building isn’t not that tall, but they can still see the city far away.

‘This is where I come to write sometimes,’ Gerard says. ‘It’s not that much, but it’s my safe place.’ And then he tells him about not feeling like himself sometimes, as if he was just watching his life go by from afar. How art isn’t working anymore, and it feels forced, and he wants to quit, but it’s too late to drop out or change majors.’

‘And if I drop out,’ he says. ‘I wouldn’t see you.’

Frank turns to him, not sure he heard him right. ‘Me?’

‘Yeah. I know it’s weird, but you’ve kept me somehow sane.’

And Frank doesn’t know what to say, so he just leans in, follows his instincts and kisses him.

It’s brief and innocent, but as soon as he pulls away, Gerard pulls him back in and kisses him again, with more intent, lingering a bit longer on the right spots and pulling his lower lip.

When they break the kiss, Frank keeps his eyes closed, not sure it’s real. And when he opens them again, Gerard is there, smiling at him, and for now, everything’s okay.


	6. Chapter 6

Frank leans in for another kiss, and Gerard takes it.

They don’t know for how long they’ve been kissing, and Frank definitely doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he’s enjoying it nonetheless. He’s enjoying Gerard’s hands on his sides, holding him still and close, and not knowing what to do with his own hands, Frank wraps them around the older guy’s neck.

Gerard tastes like cigarettes and bubblegum chewing gum, Frank already getting addicted to it. When they finally break the kiss, he lets his head fall on the other’s shoulder, and giggles.

‘What is so funny?’

‘Nothing. I just thought I didn’t have a chance with you. Or anyone.’

‘Are you crazy, Frankie? You’re adorable as fuck.’

‘Don’t say that,’ he said blushing.

Then, Gerard takes his hand in his and locked their fingers together. ‘I like you, Frank. A whole lot.’

‘I like you, too.’

After a long silence, just enjoying having Frank so close, Gerard says, ‘Should we go back to the library so you can work on whatever it is you do?’

‘I don’t think I can concentrate on anything after this. What about you? You have something you need to finish?’

‘To be honest – I just go there to see you.’

That makes Frank blush, and he keeps his face hidden in the nook of the taller man’s neck. ‘Can we stay like this for a bit longer?’ he asks. ‘I like it.’

***

‘Are you smiling, dude?’ Ray asks when Gerard walks in their room. He’s in his laptop, doing some programming. ‘It’s been a while since the last time I saw you smile.’

Gerard doesn’t say anything, but he can’t hide the smile.

‘Did you meet Grant Morrison on the train or did you find the money you lost?’

‘Shut up!’ He throws his pillow at his friend and then sits to take off his shoes and get ready for bed.

‘I’m serious! After everything, you know – it’s really good to see you smile, whatever that reason may be.’

‘Thanks,’ Gerard says, and then pauses. ‘There is someone –’

‘Oh.’ And suddenly, Ray is smiling big, and Gerard knew he can count on him. ‘Is that why you’ve been going to the library every day?’

He smiles again and hides his face with his hands. ‘You noticed?’

‘Of course I did! You got up from bed every night just to do your fucking homework. You’re not the kind of guy who does his homework or cares that much about school.’

‘Well –’

‘What’s her name?’

‘His.’

‘Oh.’

Gerard looks up, nervous. Mikey is the only person who knows, besides the one guy he kinda dated a couple years ago. So, he’s not sure how Ray will react. ‘Are you cool with it?’

‘Why wouldn’t I be? He clearly makes you happy, so I’m happy for you.’

‘Thank you.’ He tells him about Frank, and them hanging out, and how they’ve been kissing in the rooftop for the past couple hours. ‘I think I really like him.’

  
  


***

‘Mr. Iero!’ the professor says. ‘Can you please tell us what are the main themes in _The Great Gatsby?_ ’

‘Huh?’ Frank looks up, confused. He’s been sitting in his English class, not paying attention, thinking about the night before, kissing and cuddling Gerard.

He can still feel the warmth of his lips, and he can’t wait to kiss him again.

Fuck, is this how it’s going to be now?

‘Mr. Iero,’ he hears the professor’s voice again, this time closer, and when he looks up, she’s there, standing next to him. ‘I would expect this from anyone but you.’

‘I’m sorry –’ He notices everyone else is looking at him, shocked by this weird behavior of him, and his anxiety starts to act up. He plays with the edge of the page to keep his fingers entertained and focused and keep his mind from thinking about his surroundings. ‘I’m not feeling well,’ he says.

He hopes she believes him, because he has nothing else. He knows in another situation, he’d be paying attention and would have a full essay about the topic ready. But instead, he’s been writing poems for Gerard. ‘I promise I’ll write you a paper, but can I please excuse myself?’ he asks, not sure where the courage to speak up came from.

‘Fine. I’ll be expecting that paper tomorrow morning.’

‘Thank you.’ And then, he runs out of the classroom as fast as his legs allow him without trip hip, his backpack hanging from his shoulder.

He doesn’t really know where to go. He has a free hour before lunch, so he decides to head early to the cafeteria, hoping the line for the soup is shorter, and maybe he can work on the essay for Mrs. Rose. And surprisingly it is.

He’s writing it all from memory, his hand writing faster than his brain can think, just trying to let it all out. An hour later, he’s finished and he’s back to writing poems and what could be a song for Gerard, and he’s gone through a bowl of soup and a sandwich, plus three Cokes, when Gerard sits next to him, causing him to jump off his seat. ‘Shit!’ he says.

And the art student can’t help laughing. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were so focused you didn’t see me.’

‘No – I’m sorry, I’m just –’ He tries to put everything away before Gerard sees what he’s doing, but he’s still nervous. ‘I had to walk out of a class because I wasn’t paying attention and the professor got mad at me.’

‘Is everything okay?’

Frank turns to him. The last thing he wants is to tell him it’s his fault, that he hasn’t stopped thinking about him and that’s why his brain is all over the place. How can he? He doesn’t want him to feel guilty, because he’s not. ‘Yeah – I just – I’m not used to this.’

‘To what?’

‘Getting distracted. Thinking about you.’ He feels Gerard’s hand reaching for his under the table, and he starts to calm down.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says.

‘Don’t apologize. I like it.’

‘Oh yeah?’ Gerard changes the subject to the idea for a book he wants to write about two outlaws in love, and tells him that he thinks he could be a better writer than a comic book artist, and Frank asks him to show him what he’s done, so Gerard shows him some of his portfolio.

‘You are really talented,’ the younger man says.

‘Thank you.’

Minutes later, they’re walking back to class, and Frank stops outside the social studies building. ‘So I guess we’ll see each other later?’ Gerard asks. And without thinking, Frank turns to him and plants a kiss on his lips. It’s short and sweet, but he can’t help it. He’s been thinking about it all night and all morning, and he just needs to kiss him. Not even thinking about the fact that he’s in front of everyone. 

‘I guess that’s a yes.’

‘I have to print my paper at the library. You wanna meet there?’

‘That’s fine by me.’

So they continue meeting at the library for the rest of the week, and Gerard still walks him to his dorm, and kisses him good night, and then the next morning, they hang out in the cafeteria, or in the front lawn. While in the middle of studying, Frank writes something on the edge of a page of his ethics book, and slides it to the other side of the table. Gerard doesn’t know where he’s supposed to look at, but when he finds Frank’s handwriting, he smiles. _I like you._

 _I like you too,_ Gerard writes and then returns the book.

On Friday, on their way back to their dorms, and Gerard kisses him, after they pull apart, Frank looks at him. ‘You wanna watch a movie with me?’ he asks.

‘Sure.’ And then Gerard follows him to his room, and they watch The Shining, because it’s one of the few DVDs Frank owns. Though, they’re not really watching, and instead they’re talking about books and Tolkien, and Gerard tells him he’s going to teach him how to play D&D. Before he knows it, Gerard is already snoring, his arm around his shoulder, and sleeping with his mouth open. Frank smiles at how adorable he looks, and how he has a boy sleeping in his room. He kisses his cheek, and cuddles next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day!!   
> Being a hopeless romantic with no chances of a relationship, this is all I have as romance goes, so I hope you guys like it!


	7. Chapter 7

Gerard wakes up, his arm numb, and when he opens his eyes, he sees Frank sleeping next to him, on top of his arm, and he can’t help smile.

He looks so adorable without his glasses, sleeping in the most uncomfortable position. He can’t remember the last time he felt this comfortable with someone, and he can’t help leaning in his shoulder and kissing his cheek.

Frank starts to wake up, a smile already on his face as Gerard takes in his morning warmth. ‘Hi,’ the younger student says and wraps an arm around the other.

‘Good morning, Frankie.’

Frank mumbles something, and then kisses him behind the ear. ‘I like it when you call me that.’

‘Then I’ll keep calling you Frankie.’

He pulls apart, squinting his eyes to focus on Gerard. ‘Is this real?’ he asks with his hoarse voice.

He nods. ‘I think it is.’ Frank then kisses his lips softly but stays there, smiling. ‘Don’t you have to go home today?’

‘Shit!’ That makes him literally jump off his bed, and he checks the clock on his bedside table. It’s almost noon. ‘I don’t want my mom to get worried.’

‘I’m sorry –’

‘No – it was totally worth it,’ Frank says with a smile. He pulls Gerard for another kiss, then puts whatever clothes he finds in a bag.

While he gets his stuff, he hears Gerard in the back. ‘What is this. _Open mic night?’_

‘Huh?’ Frank replies with a nervous laugh and runs to get the flyer from him. ‘It’s nothing.’

‘Are you going?’

‘No – they just left the flyer outside.’ But his stuttering gives him away.

‘I didn’t know you sing or played an instrument! It’d be cool if you do it!’

Frank’s face goes red, and he can’t hide it. He’s completely gone for Gerard. ‘You think it’d be cool?’

‘Of course! What do you play?’

‘I learned to play guitar a long time ago. When you don’t have friends and you get bored in your room, you learn a lot.’

‘So you’re going?’

Frank looks up at him, smiling. How can he say no? ‘I’ll think about it.’ As a reward for considering it, Gerard kisses him, careful not to get too into it or they’ll keep making out for hours, and he doesn’t want Frank to get in trouble with his mom. ‘I’ll miss you.’

‘You’ll be back on Monday. We can hang out then.’

‘I’ll be counting the hours.’

He helps Frank to get his laundry basket to his car, and when nobody’s looking, they kiss again. ‘Can I have your phone number?’ Gerard asks, not wanting to let go.

The younger man just smiles. ‘Give me your arm,’ he tells Gerard, and takes a sharpie out of his backpack. Gerard is careful to hold out his right arm, and only pull the sleeve of his hoodie up a little, just below the elbow. He wasn’t ready to show him the scars yet. ‘This is my home phone number,’ Frank says with the cap of the sharpie in his mouth, marking Gerard’s skin. 'I don’t have a cellphone.’

‘Can I call you later?’

‘Just make sure after ten. That’s when my mom goes to bed.’

‘I will then.’ They kiss goodbye, and Gerard stays there, seeing him drive away before walking back to his dorm.

What he wasn’t expecting was Ray in their room, working on his computer. ‘Good morning, prince charming,’ he says in a joking tone. ‘Had a wild night with your prince?’

‘What? No!’ But his face gives him away. ‘We just fell asleep watching movies.’

‘Oh.’ He turns around, suddenly interested. ‘So you’re already in the watching movies and falling asleep phase?’

‘You make it sound so serious, jeez!’

‘Well, it depends – have you said the L word?’

‘No! We just started hanging out! I mean, I like him a lot, but it’s too soon.’ He covers his face with his hands.

‘Have you had –’

‘No!’ Gerard stops him before he finishes the question. ‘Who do you think I am?’

‘I’m just saying. It’s normal.’

Gerard knows that. And by Frank’s inexperience kissing, he can guess he hasn’t gone any further. But neither has Gerard and it scares him a little bit. Especially considering the scars all over his body. But it's too soon to think about that now, and he's too happy so he doesn’t want to ruin that. So instead, he sits on his bed and opens his sketchbook.

***

‘Frankie! Phone!’ his mom yells from her room, but he’s already running downstairs to get it.

‘I know!’ He doesn’t even check the caller ID. ‘Hey,’ he says, trying to sound cool, as if he wasn’t waiting for the call all day.

‘Hi, Frankie.’

That makes him smile even more, and it’s a good thing no one’s there or he’d be embarrassing himself. ‘How are you?’

‘Meh – I took a nap and fill out applications for a job.’

‘You’re getting a job?’

‘Well, considering I was fired from the café because I just stopped going, and I need money for supplies and food. Probably just during the weekends.’

‘Just weekends?’

‘Yeah – I still want to hang out with my boyfriend –’ _Shit._ He doesn’t realize what he said until the words left his mouth and it’s too late. Are they boyfriends? He’s never really been in a relationship. He had a crush during freshman year, and they kissed and went out a couple times, but when Gerard asked her out, she rejected him. So he doesn’t know how it works. They’ve been hanging out all week, kissing and touching every chance they get, watching movies, and even sleeping in the same bed. Does that mean they are?

‘Boyfriend?’ he asks in his usual shaky voice.

‘Yeah? I mean – if you want to.’

He can swear he can hear Frank smiling on the other side of the line. ‘Yeah.’

They talk for the longest time. Gerard tells him about this book he has to read for one of his classes and some facts he learned about frogs, and other random things. Frank tells him he and his mom were watching Indiana Jones for the thousandth time, and about Ghoul who just attacked his leg. They talk past midnight, until they both fall asleep.

***

After going to church with his mom, he comes home to practice guitar for a little, not that he’s considering going to the open mic night, but he just wants to finish working on a couple songs he has. Then he takes out Ghoul to the park, he gets bored and starts missing Gerard.

He could be with him, kissing him, and the thought brings a smile to his face.

‘Ma! I think I’m gonna head back to school,’ he says, going through their DVD collection, and picking a few to take with him. ‘I need to go to the library to work on this paper.’

‘Why are you taking those movies, then?’

‘My paper is about Shakespeare.’

‘So you’re taking _10 Things About You_?’

‘It’s based on a Shakespeare play. Didn’t you know that?’

‘What about _The Gremlins_?’

‘I just love that freaking movie.’

‘At least stay until dinner, Frankie.’

‘Fine.’ He only does to make his mom happy, and because he knows that’ll keep her quiet for another week. He’s not ready to tell her about Gerard yet. He just wants to enjoy their time together. ‘Can I take some pasta to go, ma?’

‘Absolutely!’

So he takes some in a container, and grabs his stuff. ‘See you next week, Ma.’

He gets in his car, and stops at the convenience store for chocolate shakes. When he gets to the campus, he doesn’t even go to his dorm and just takes the shakes, the pasta and the movies, and walks straight to Gerard’s dorm.

He doesn’t know which one is Gerard’s room, so he looks through the mailboxes in the lobby and looks for G. Way. _2C._ So Frank goes to the second floor, and looks for room 2C.

Before knocking on the door, he takes a breath. _Shit._ What is he supposed to say?

But then, the door opens and there’s a tall guy with curly hair and glasses. ‘I’m –,’ he stutters. ‘I’m looking for Gerard.’ _My boyfriend._

‘So you’re Frank?’

He just stands there, his mouth open, not sure what to say. And just then, Gerard is behind the guy, his hair a mess but looking beautiful as ever. ‘Frank. I thought you weren’t coming until tomorrow.’

‘Surprise!’

‘I guess I’ll leave you two alone,’ Ray says.

‘Bye, Ray!’ Gerard says, almost pushing him out the door. And once it’s closed, he pushes Frank against it and kisses him. ‘I missed you.’

‘Me too.’ He kisses him back, and then shows him the plastic back in his hand. ‘I was thinking – a date?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Let me know what you think :)


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